GUESS WHAT. [19 Oct 2006|09:11pm] I'm back. bahahahaha! 3 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2006|12:20pm] I fucking hate live journal because I don't even know how to customize my journal anymore and I'm so annoyed with how ugly it is, and i don't even want to write in it. bahh. this is the stuff i get pissed about. 4 comments|post comment

[18 Feb 2006|07:02pm] I'm so nervous, man. post comment

[15 Feb 2006|09:27pm] I'm suppposed to be happy today, but it's happening again. 4 comments|post comment

[29 Jan 2006|12:06pm] Time is taking it's toll on us and it's not demanding money, instead it is taking smiles and shuffling through memories, choosing only those that we will be completely miserable without. I keep holding on, because that's what you asked me to do but this thread I am gripping is shorter than I remember and I am worried that I'll get to the opposite end and find only a post card that reads "false hope." But I wont let go. Too stubborn perhaps, I prefer faithfull. I just remember us being so much stronger than this. WE ARE SO MUCH STRONGER THAN THIS. 1 comment|post comment

[26 Jan 2006|10:03pm] I'll ask myself the same questions a thousand times only to discover a thousand more times that there is no answer. And time has brought out it's needle and thread to repair damages neither of us wanted to inflict on one another. And the future is looking awfully blurry and it kills me that I can't hold your hand anymore. But our muscles are weak from holding this together and it's too hard to rest with these knots in our throats. And I'm going to cry sometimes but it doesn't mean that I hate you or that I blame you, it means that what we had was so ablsolutly genuine. I can't stop myself from remembering laughing with you in your bed before we both fell asleep and you singing with your stereo while tapping my knee. I'm sorry I had to break down today. I really would have avoided it if given the choice but by then we were both too bloody to see eachother clear anymore and all good things have to come to an end? Let's not say end because that's not what we are. You still live in my heart and I would love to be welcomed into yours every once in a while. I'm not ready to cut you out. And I hope that's not an inconvience. 1 comment|post comment

[23 Jan 2006|03:58pm] I don't even need a boyfriend, I break my own damn heart. ughhhhhhhhhhh, why is shit too hard to deal wit and why i cant I get my head clear enough to evaluate the current situation and decide whether or not i am being irrational. i just want to sleep, for like a week. 5 comments|post comment

[16 Jan 2006|01:11pm] Hey, my birthday is on Feb. 15th, so start buying my presents. 2 comments|post comment

[13 Jan 2006|11:18pm] So, here I am. In the middle. This is where you asked me to meet you, right? post comment

[15 Dec 2005|03:14pm] People don't fucking change. I really hate you so much right now. 3 comments|post comment

[14 Dec 2005|02:11pm] Why am I on your friends list? If you want, you can do it anonymously (no IP logging too) and be like - OH GOD I HATE YOU BUT I JUST CAN'T TAKE YOU OFF- because, we all have them now don't we? And on a heavier note. I'm honestly so sick of this entire week, and I didn't do a thing, so stop being such a dick. Please. And one more thing, Astronomy is bull shit because stars are burning out right and left and it's not taking a million light years to see them. Or, to not see them rather. 5 comments|post comment

[29 Nov 2005|09:30pm] I was given the name Holly Moore, not because I was born around Christmas, but because my Mom liked it. I grew up trying to live the life of a spoiled brat, crying whenever I didn't get what I wanted, telling my parents I hated them because I couldn't have a bowl of ice cream at 11 p.m. and stealing toys from my brother and sister. I got out of that faze real fast. My parents had a way with me. They worked hard to teach me right from wrong, and they were sucessfull. Ask anyone who knew me as a child I was the epitome of essentric. By the age os three I had an imaginary friend that went by the name of Amanday. Yes, a-man-day. She was a blast. At least that's what my grandma tells me. I went everywhere with her, did everything with her, and blamed everything on her. And never once did my parents tell me she didn't exist. They just let me do my thing. Amanday was gone when I started school. I have no reccolection of her today. I remember my early elementary years vividly. I'd wake up and wash my face and my grandma would drive me to the bus stop, but I would make her park down the street until the school bus came. She always wanted to stand outside with me, but I wouldn't let her. I guess that's where the independence starts. The indepence progressed when my mom left. My poor dad went to the ends of the earth to make sure my brother and I were happy. He worked six days a week and gave us a life we loved. We'd ride bikes at the park and go to the drive in on the weekends. He was perfect and I adored him. I'd stay home with my brother while dad was at work. We'd play outside with the neighborhood kids and be inside by 6 p.m. everynight. We learned how to cook and how to clean and how to take care of ourseolves during these years. We took our dad's love for granted. Junior high started and I lost track of what really mattered. My family. I had too many friends and there were too many boys and they just were not on my list of priorities. It's really a shame. It must have been three years before I smacked my self in the face and realized that I have been so blessed. It was too late to rebuild a relationship with my dad, but I did my best to let the rest of my family know I cared for them. Dad got remarried my freshman year in highschool. I hated her. She was into weird crackers and gourmet cheese and running marathons. She did so much for me. I rejected her. They were married for barely a year. She moved away. I missed her more than i could have imagined. She's my best friend now. Dad promised us he wouldn't get married again. Not until Jack and I were out of the house at least. It was going to be us three again. Just like the good old days. Six months later he'd gotten pretty serious with his girlfriend. Word on the street is they're getting married. He never even asked me. He promised. I'm now sixteen years old wondering whether or not I am allowed to be happy. I know, it's a foolish question. I know I am happy. God, more than you'd understand, but I feel guilty for it. I know it's stupid, but whatever, it's the truth. I couldn't handle highschool. I couldn't even tell you what it was about it that I hated so much. I mean, I got good grades, I took challenging courses, I was involved in sports and class office, I just dispised it. I am convinced now that I wouldn't let myself enjoy it. I think a lot of teenagers do that. Now I am homeschooled and doing well, starting college next semister. On a path to graduate early. The most common thing I have been hearing lately is that I am growing up too fast, throwing my youth away. It's too hard to convince them that I'm not. You don't have to live a typical life to be living and enjoying your teeange years. Not to mention, I grew up ten years ago. The day I turned sixteen was the day I was financially cut off and the day I got a job. Two, infact. I live life payckeck to paycheck, like most working young adults. Some weeks go better than others. By the time I am eighteen I hope I'll be able to have a little apartment with someone else and pay a car payment and insurance. High hopes? Whatever, at least I have a goal. I've got a lot of faith in myself as a matter of fact. I'm finally out of debt as of today. The governer is bathing in $800 dollars I had to pay because I am a shitty driver. Two traffic tickets in three months. If that doesn't teach you a lesson, I don't know what will. It's sad how money will physically and mentally weigh you down until you don't have to worry about it any longer. Which means it'll always weigh you down becuase it is the main focus in our culture. Kind of depressing, but true none the less. My friends are so good to me. They're all so genuine and people I aspire to be. Intelligent, funny, sucessfull, determined. I couldn't imagine surrounding myself with people who are more diverse and who get along so well. Your friend could loose your car keys in a river while you're all camping and you're not going to hate him, you're just going to think about your options and forgive them. Even if your options include sitting in traffic for 3 hours while it's 100 degrees outside to go home and get your spare. And sometimes your boyfriend is going to be, well, intoxicated, and hes going to do some really stupid things and you're going to laugh about it in the morning because it's just not worth it to be stressed out or mad about things like that. And you and your best friend are going to grow apart and it's going to kill you but there's nothing you can do except take that extra five munutes to call her and see how she's been and how her and her new love interest are working out and makes dates to go get tea and becasue you know she loves it. And you're going to make up some of the stupidest dances with some of your friends and you're going to bring him glasses of water when he's had a long night, and those are the things you do with someone you care about. And God life is beautiful, and I hope you've got a friend with a really comfortable bed because there will be somedays where you're going to sleep in it for three hours at a time, just because. There was no point to this. It's just after 4 a.m. and I'm going to work. 15 comments|post comment

[23 Nov 2005|06:12pm] I know all of your secrets and I think you forgot I was sitting right next to you. 4 comments|post comment

[14 Nov 2005|06:03pm] Why are we so far away from eachother when you're lying right next to me. When my face is resting inbetween your head and your shoulder. And why is it so hard for me to admit I am miles from where you are and it's impossible for me to back up. and I wish I could because then I wouldn't feel so stupid when you're looking directly into my eyes and I am looking at your ceiling and your pillows and avoiding the truth at all costs. But I told you the truth and now I've only got four fingers on the ledge now and you didn't help me up. because you're still to far away. 1 comment|post comment

[11 Nov 2005|09:02am] I can't. I can't. I CAN'T. post comment

[09 Nov 2005|10:16pm] Okay I'm ready to tell the truth, I wasn't two minutes ago, but I am now. Call me again, just to say goodnight one more time. I know you wont. Man, I wish people didn't tell me everything about you because I think I could walk in a straighter line without hearing about her, and her and her. I don't care when it happened. yay to 50 hour work weeks! yay to me buying way to many clothes for one girl, in three days! 5 comments|post comment

Woke up thinking about this. [04 Nov 2005|06:45am] I think I am going to write a self help book for people who think they need hundreds of drugs to live a normal life. And I'm not so much talking narcotics as I am perscriptions. People need to stop relying on other substances/people blah blah blah. You're so much stronger than that. We all are. 11 comments|post comment

[28 Oct 2005|07:30pm] For someone who needs stability, I sure am falling all over the place, but one thing is for certain, we've built something so solid. and being away from eachother for a weekend filled with things I don't even want to think about, is going to end up okay because you're going to come home to me and prove to me that I have never met someone so special. Gahhh, we're the best boyfriend and girlfriend ever. I don't even care. post comment

[24 Oct 2005|08:50pm] Let's stop playing pretend because I'm ready to admit that this is real. There's no more questioning or doubting and I'm secure and I'm content and I hope one day you'll understand that everyday has been for you and there are quite a few more I hope you'd also accept. I've been thinking about it for some time now, and I think we should let our heartbeat speak for it's self. ( On another note... ) 12 comments|post comment

[23 Oct 2005|02:48am] I'm crazy and stubborn and selfish sometimes. I know some of the most amazing people in this world and they love me and I love them and that's what I get to look forward to everytime I open my eyes in the morning. Beautiful, amazing, bestfriend? CHECK. Most Handsome Boy in the world who I get to spend too much of my time with? CHECK. The most amazing women who loves me and has been there to hear me whine about being a teenager and has been my "mother" and my companion for 3 years now? CHECK. A family who loves me more than I could ever deserve? CHECK. Sp necxt time I bitch, ignore me. I'm irrational and I forget all that I have sometimes. I'm ready for tomorrow. 2 comments|post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]